hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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