Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
Randomize
