I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
