Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
Randomize
