you turned your livingroom into a bong?
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
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