we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
where does the pee come out of this thing
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
Randomize
