I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Randomize
