i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
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