dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
If no ones going to say it, then I will. Vanessa Hudgens boobs are weird looking
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
Randomize
