Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
how drunk are you?
Several
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
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