then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
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