Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
