so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
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