Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
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