Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
Randomize
