in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
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