Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
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