I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Randomize
