Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
Randomize
