She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
Randomize
