Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
Randomize