she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
Randomize
