I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Randomize
