we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize
