Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
Randomize
