i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
Randomize