the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
I'm getting married
To pizza
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
