I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
Little spoons don't ask big questions
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
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