either way he was missing a nipple.
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
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