Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
Randomize
