i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
she told me i tasted like america
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
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