I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
Randomize