Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
