we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
Randomize
