omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
Randomize
