I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
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