i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
i don't plan on having that self control this summer
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
Randomize
