I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
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