Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
Houston, we have a squirter
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
Randomize
