oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
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