Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
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