He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
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