It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
His hands were made for my vagina.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Randomize
