I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
Randomize