So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
