I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
Randomize
