is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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