apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
Randomize
