Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
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