I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
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