Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
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