He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
I'm pretty sure that every show on ABC Family could be turned into a drinking game.
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
Randomize
