i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
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