its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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