i just had sex bonerless
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
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