I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
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