New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
foreskin is a definite game changer
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
