Pappa wants mamma naked
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
Randomize
