He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
My nipple is on Facebook.
well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Randomize
