he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
Randomize
