Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
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