My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
Randomize
