I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
Randomize
