Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
I seem to have left my pride at pride
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
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