I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Randomize
